- The Die Hard Islander. This Long Islander is extremely island proud. They’re the Mets, Islanders and Jets fans who host game nights with their friends, catered by the local Italian deli. They drive around with Billy Joel blasting from their cars and have seen the local legend in concert at least once. They frequent Irish pubs, liquor stores and car washes, and are either brutally honest or extremely loyal customers on Yelp. If they’re in the higher income bracket, chances are they belong to a yacht or country club. You can see their party boats gathered in a pod each summer, rocking to—you guessed it—Billy Joel. Many die hards move frenetically, always rushing, and are dialed up to an extremely loud volume as if anyone they speak to is either hearing impaired or unintelligent. They have their own way of using R’s: “New Yawk is a great idear.” A mafia reference will be dropped at some point, followed by an eye roll, chuckle, sigh or smirk, depending on who you’re talking to. If “going west” is mentioned, it means going to New York City. New York City is an extension of Long Island to them, and even though they rarely cross the bridge or tunnel (especially if they have little ones) they love knowing the city is accessible should they ever want to go. No matter how many hurricanes, blizzards or high taxes hit them, they refuse to ever leave. No place is as good as Long Island to these die hards. If you mention you love the 70 degree weather in Southern California, they’ll say, “California is expensive and has earthquakes.” If you express a dream of moving to the more affordable south, they’ll say, “It’s too hot and humid there.” Dare you mention the midwest, they’ll look dumbfounded: “What is there to do there? The food is terrible.” A die hard Long Islander will counter any flattery for someplace else with a negative perspective because Long Island is the best. They’re willing to work multiple jobs and overtime just to call this costly island home. And if you hear a die hard say, “yeah, yeah, yeah” in rapid succession it means they are actually listening to you. If a die hard Islander goes to bat for you, they’ll be a friend for life.
Winter on Long Island lasts approximately 6-8 months and is cold, windy, icy; blizzards are common.
2. The FOMO Islander. This islander stays because their family is here, not because they really love it. Or they stay because they earn the necessary $300,000+ yearly income to comfortably raise their family here. The fear of missing out islander has inherited a family home or paid off their mortgage or grabbed a good deal on their house that is now worth three times as much. They fear if they leave Long Island and don’t like their next location, they won’t be able to afford moving back. These islanders often wonder what it would be like living on the mainland somewhere less congested, less busy, more peaceful. They may even research jobs and homes in other states. But these islanders never leave because they fear no place else will be as good as Long Island. They continue to write their $20,000 property tax checks every year so they can enjoy the conveniences of having a variety of food choices and entertainment nearby. And of course, Manhattan a train ride away. Though unless they work there, chances are its been years since they last visited the city.
3. The Adventuresome Islander. The Adventuresome Islander is a rare breed. Unlike the Die Hard Islander who spends free time perusing sales at the mall, or the FOMO Islander who has a vacation home in Florida to escape harsh winters, the Adventuresome Islander branches out. They explore. You may find them camping upstate or kayaking in New England. They’re the islanders finding unique and fun local spots that most don’t know about. They take road trips, venture to Europe, and unlike Die Hards, they have an avid curiosity about the other 49 states in America. They’ll visit the small town in the heartland. They go places other islanders only talk about. They have little interest in malls or sports teams—they’re too busy traveling new places and trying new things. The Adventuresome Islander doesn’t just dream about living elsewhere, they do it. They don’t have FOMO, they have island fever and prefer the conveniences of the mainland including easy access to highways to explore more—no bridge or tunnel traffic or tolls. You won’t find this islander living on Long Island forever, it’s just a chapter in their adventuresome life.
Of course, these are stereotypes. Long Islanders vary in tastes and personalities just like anywhere else. Just don’t be surprised if an islander mixes up Louisiana for Georgia, and thinks Idaho is no different from Ohio. For a typical old school islander, anywhere west, south or too north from this small island (with big attitude) is lumped into one state.
Surviving Long Island 